2016 Presidential Election or as I call it Rangers VS Penguins in the Eastern Conference Final

People love a good metaphor, particularly a sports metaphor. Most folks are uncomfortable taking the time to learn all that “political mumbo jumbo” and would much prefer to use click, bait headlines to formulate their opinions than to actually do any kind of research. So, when given the opportunity to break it down in a way that your average non-political reader can grasp some small understanding of the issues at hand, we must take it. And who doesn’t love a good sports comparison.

So here we go. Let’s for a minute pretend that being the President of the United States is akin to the Stanley Cup Final, cause lord knows even if you win your conference final, you still have to suffer through 7 more games of torture to get the real prize. The 2016 Election process is the Eastern Conference Final and playing in this years race is the New York Rangers vs the Pittsburg Penguins. Let’s take a look at our MVP’s.

The New York Rangers- Goalie Henrik Lundqvist: Well spoken, suave, good looking man who is arguably one of the best goal tenders to ever step foot on the ice. He began his career in Sweden, working his way up, making a name for himself in the hockey world. In 2013, he became the highest paid goaltender in the NHL, and why not? He’s worked hard. He trains more than most in the game. He meticulously picks himself apart to make himself better. And gosh darn it, he deserves it. During press conferences, he tends to speak politely to reporters and answers questions. He often takes all of the heat for a loss and is expected to do amazing things on the ice, even when his teammates seem to be napping somewhere around the blue line. In the Eastern Conference Final, it will be expected of him to do acrobatics in the goal, standing on his head at times to prevent any scoring from the opponent. And even if he turns in a flawless performance, he still might not win the game.

The Pittsburgh Penguins- Center/Captain Sidney Crosby: He really likes himself. So much so that his jersey number is the year he was born, because, of course. A stellar talent from the beginning, he is very good at what he does and he knows it. When he first started out, he was young, and behaved as such. A lot of people couldn’t get on board with someone who was whiny and immature regardless of his ability to find the back of the net. He often looks for a call if you so much as brush up against him. That is not allowed because he had a concussion once and will immediately begin crying about how you’re trying to kill him. He often gets the call because of his skill level and comes off looking like a whiny douche. His douche-ness often rubs off on his teammates who at one time or another were perfectly nice young men. When his team wins, we all groan and roll our eyes (except for his fans who proceed to run up and down the street shouting “HA” in your face, because, you know, that’s mature).

So your choices are charming Lundqvist who has worked hard his whole career and despite many setbacks, still manages to come back year after year with a plan; or Crybaby Crosby. I’ll let you decide who’s who. 😉