Bond. James Bond. #BondWatch Thursday May 26- Thursday June 16

This was quite a task. 24 movies in 3 weeks, most of which were painful to sit through. I owe myself a drink.
What might be more difficult than actually watching the films was deciding how to review them. By Actor? By Decade? Compare all 24? I went with dissection via actor. Let’s begin.

 

Sean Connery: The first to assume the role, arguably everyone’s favorite. He appears in 6 films. There is a 7th but it’s not part of the canon, it’s a stand alone. I didn’t watch it. I ranked them as follows:

  1. From Russia With Love
  2. Dr. No
  3. Goldfinger
  4. Thunderball
  5. You Only Live Twice
  6. Diamonds Are Forever

 

George Lazenby: Takes over for Connery and only appears in 1 film. This movie is the most divisive of the series. Fans either love or loathe this film. I fall into the loathe category.

  1. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service

 

Roger Moore: Folks seem to love him. He plays Bond for a record 7 movies, 12 years. He is 57 when the last one is filmed.

  1. Live and Let Die
  2. The Man with the Golden Gun
  3. A View to a Kill (this is ranked so high bc it’s so over the top ridiculous, it’s amusing)
  4. For Your Eyes Only
  5. Octopussy
  6. The Spy Who Loved Me
  7. Moonraker

 

Timothy Dalton: He takes the role for only 2 films towards the end of the 80’s. They are mostly forgettable.

  1. License to Kill
  2. The Living Daylights

 

Pierce Brosnan: My first Bond. Goldeneye marks the first time since Connery that these movies are interesting.

  1. GoldenEye
  2. Tomorrow Never Dies
  3. The World is Not Enough
  4. Die Another Day

 

Daniel Craig: So much to debate over the blonde haired, blue eyed, mean mugged Bond. These films reset the franchise in a big way.

  1. Casino Royale
  2. Spectre
  3. Skyfall
  4. Quantum of Solace (can we pretend this movie never happened)

 

Moneypenny: I love this character and hope for so much more for her in future Bond films. Ranked my favorite Moneypenny’s.

  1. Samantha Bond
  2. Lois Maxwell
  3. Caroline Bliss

Naomi Harris doesn’t make it on this list bc she’s fucking abysmal as Moneypenny and the character writing in those movies (especially Skyfall) is painful.

My Top 5 Fav Bond Girls:

  1. Solitaire (Live and Let Die)
  2. Agent XXX (The Spy Who Loved Me)
  3. Vesper Lynd (Casino Royale)
  4. Honey Ryder (Dr. No)
  5. May Day (A View to a Kill)

 

Top 5 Favorite Bond Themes: these songs are generally awful so it isn’t hard to pick favorites.

  1. James Bond Theme
  2. Live and Let Die
  3. Skyfall
  4. GoldenEye
  5. Goldfinger/ The Man with the Golden Gun

 

Observations: Most every Bond movie is complete with-

  1. Underwater submarine or scuba diving excessiveness.
  2. Skiing and snowy terrains in general.
  3. Helicopter/airplane something or other.
  4. Not enough Moneypenny.
  5. Some terribly miscast female who often has more screen time than the well casted female.
  6. Theme songs are generally awful.
  7. Strange poker like casino game I have never seen.
  8. Boats. Water. Boats. More water.
  9. Q is awesome.
  10. Always a cool car.
  11. Bond gets captured and has some awkward resort like hostage situation.
  12. Drinks more champagne and whiskey then he does Martini’s.

 

My Top 5 Films:

  1. Casino Royale
  2. Goldeneye
  3. Spectre
  4. From Russia With Love
  5. Live and Let Die/Skyfall/ The Man with the Golden Gun

 

Worst 5 Films:

  1. On Her Majesty’s Secret Service
  2. The Living Daylights
  3. Moonraker
  4. Diamonds Are Forever
  5. Quantum of Solace

 

The ultimate question. Who is my favorite Bond? Sigh. I know I’m supposed to say Sean Connery. But, I can’t. It’s not his fault, it’s the time period and the content of those films. Had I watched them as a kid, I probably wouldn’t have an issue with them, and I tried to keep in mind the year they’re from… But the whole time I’m concerned James has an STD. I generally loathe the plot point of a woman being so beside herself over a man she met 5 minutes ago. I definitely attempted to just understand that was what I was getting into here. It’s just so over the top for me with Connery and I can’t get over it. I also didn’t love those movies in general. Roger Moore was fun and who doesn’t love the cheese the 80’s brings out in movies. While most are terrible, there is something fun about Morre’s Bond and I enjoyed him for the most part. Lazenby and Dalton aren’t even being discussed. Pierce Brosnan. I have a nostalgic love for him because he’s the first actor I ever saw play Bond. And (unpopular opinion) I do really like 3 of those films. To me, Pierce is the most handsome. He “looks” like James Bond to me and I’m sure that’s because I saw him first and I like the way he portrays Bond. Daniel Craig. So… Daniel is without question, from the neck down, the HOTTEST Bond. I take such issues with his face. I have no problem with the blonde hair and blue eyes (which are stunning), he’s just not cute. He reminds me more of a construction worker than a spy. He arguably looks best in Spectre (good makeup?). I enjoy his set of films the best. His gives zero fucks attitude as Bond is awesome. I believe he has no problem killing folks more than anyone who came before him. His Bond is more of a Jason Bourne meets Mission Impossible than he is James Bond and I like that. It’s more my style. So. In closing, my favorite Bond is a tie between Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig.

Time to fetch me a martini

#JamesBond

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